Right now I am still the center of Lauren’s love, affection and whole world. She is so attached to me and every drawing she creates says “I love Mom.” Everything she writes on (i.e., her asthma inhaler) says the same thing. Of course she also seems to hate me the most as well, but it’s a fair tradeoff I suppose … I have to take the good with the bad. The boys are attached to me as well but this is profoundly different. I never thought it would or could be but it is.

I’m eager to see how my relationship with Willow turns out and if it’s similar or not. I’m also really looking forward to how their relationship with each other develops. There will be a 7-year age difference between the girls. When Willow is Lauren’s age (Lauren is almost 7) Lauren will be 14 years old. Will she be tired of Willow tagging along and worshipping her by this point? Will she resent her? Or will they still love to play together? Will Lauren enjoy teaching Willow things (like the other day she was telling me how she was going to teach her sister to hula hoop, which Lauren is incidentally really good at)? Or will she ignore her and refuse to play with her?

I never had a sister so this will be a learning experience for me as well as the kids.

One thing that I have found it hardest about being a mom is watching my kids grow up. I know that my job is to raise them to be independent, well-adjusted adults, but so often it’s so hard for me to turn the page. I’ve gotten pretty good at not letting them know this and I don’t ever hold them back, but sometimes I want to …

Posted on November 8th, 2009 by monica
Filed under: Progeny, Pregnancy | No Comments »

I’m 7  months pregnant and honestly I am not feeling too bad. Sure, I do have a wide variety of physical limitations, but I’m sleeping comfortably, my belly doesn’t feel too huge, the baby’s movements don’t hurt, my skin doesn’t feel like it’s going to burst … all in all, I’m fairly comfortable unless I’m required to be on my feet for more than a few minutes at a time.

We’ve been through some major illness in the past month. First, I was stricken with some horrible respiratory illness that went to my lungs and caused major shortness of breath. I went to the doctor and the influenza test was negative but as the rapid test has a high false-negative rate the doctor wanted to call it H1N1. I accepted steriods for my lungs because I was having serious problems but I did reject the Tamiflu. I was ill for about 5 days. I do admit I was scared on more than one occasion … once I got better I felt great for a day until I got this awful sinus infection in my cheekbone. But now I’m fine and I am not going to get sick ever again because I hate it so much.

Dagan wound up with influenza (tested positive) and was subsequently diagnosed with H1N1. He was out of school for most of a week and had no complications and didn’t spread it to any other family members. He was quite ill for a few days but recovered beautifully.  Corbin has had impetigo on his leg, a double ear infection, pinkeye and a minor virus. Lauren had pinkeye (in both eyes) and a minor virus.

And while I’m not feeling bad, I sure do  have to take it easy all the time. I am exhausted easily and have to take frequent breaks if I’m doing housework. Kevin has stepped up to the plate and is doing a wonderful job. I’m so grateful for him. I will say the acid reflux has got to go …

We should be getting a crib in a week or so and my baby shower is less than 3 weeks away. I’m so excited to finally start serious preparations.

Due date is less than 2 months away!

Posted on October 26th, 2009 by monica
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I’ve had a serious lack of motivation, unfortunately, for updating.

Let’s see … I am 27 weeks and am, as of today, in my 3rd trimester. This is going SUPER fast. I’m almost out of the eggplant stage — how pathetic of me to not update two weeks ago when it began! The baby is getting a lot bigger and stronger now and is a lot of fun. She’s still small enough that she’s not hurting me most of the time so it’s still pretty much 100% enjoyable to feel her moving. It’s definitely my favorite part of pregnancy. Lauren always wants to feel her move but jerks her hand away the minute she does and says it “creeps her out.” Haha.

I have been very busy at work and at home. Sometimes I don’t think I can do another thing, another project. I’m still so freaking exhausted but since starting the Floradix the “Ass Dragon” doesn’t show up until later in the day which is a huge blessing. Everything hurts my back now, from sleeping to sitting to standing up. Sometimes when I first get out bed I feel all weird and disjointed and walk like a drunk but for the most part I avoid the typical pregnant “waddle.” At least I think I do … I’ll have to ask the people who actually see me every day.

I’m also having a ton of mood swings. The people who know me already know that I am an emotional freak when not pregnant, and it seems to be tons more apparent when I am. I get pissed off reeeeally easily and cry sometimes for no reason at all. Sometimes I want to hide, and sometimes I do.

Willow, though, is such a wonderful gift. Who’s Willow, you wonder? Well, Kevin didn’t argue against the name hard enough, or at all, and this is the name I picked out months ago. Once I saw the name it felt perfect. He wasn’t totally enthused but never truly seemed opposed. He will be picking out her middle name (at some point before her birth hopefully).

I have been having a lot of contractions. I even went to L&D one night just to get checked out. Fortunately my cervix was perfect, firm and closed, but it really is unnerving. I have an appointment next week and I’ll ask for additional reassurance. They are pretty intense and sometimes painful and a few have woken me up. :\ I guess we’ll see, hopefully I’m worried for nothing. I do have a hard time controlling stress and I know that doesn’t help at all.

Anyway ….. I love my third trimester eggplant baby!

Posted on September 25th, 2009 by monica
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I think I’m starting to feel a little better. I’m taking it super easy right now because almost every time I have to walk the least little bit I get lightheaded.

I had my 24-week appointment today. Everything was fine! Her heartbeat was 160 bpm which is what it is almost every time we go. I have finally gained some weight and hope to not gain at the same rate for the remaining 16 weeks. Hopefully it was just a bit of “catch up” poundage …

I asked the doctor about the lightheaded problems I’ve been having and how I almost passed out at Target the other day. He said that at this time in pregnancy (midway) the blood pressure is at its lowest so it’s more of a problem now. He recommended staying off my feet as much as possible over the next few weeks and hopefully this will improve in the 3rd trimester, which is … only 3 weeks away.

I go for my glucose test in 3 weeks and thereafter I start going every other week. This is insane. This is going so fast.

I started taking Floradix Iron + Herbs last night (thank you so much Mom and Dad for getting that for me). I hope that it helps.

That’s about it … I know I’m still measuring big but I didn’t ask a number. I could tell because he first put the measuring tape about 2 inches too low at first, and had to move it up.

God, this is a boring entry. But I had a nice weekend and rested A LOT and have a great husband and that helps sooooo much.

Posted on September 8th, 2009 by monica
Filed under: Pregnancy | 2 Comments »

God, I hate complaining about this pregnancy. It’s the last thing I want to do, but honestly I’ve been feeling horrible for the last week or so. Some days it’s all I can do to get through it alive, with the children fed and put to bed every night. The details are boring but suffice it to say I had no idea that this pregnancy would be this hard. I almost ate floor at Target yesterday just walking around looking for a gift for Lauren’s classmate. It just seems like I can’t get/keep my shit together. I really dislike feeling this out of control. I don’t like just sitting around doing nothing … I want to be a fun productive mom and wife and I also want to have some fun every once in awhile.

I got a B12 shot last week and am feeling no better because of it. Fortunately I was able to get it prescribed so now I have syringes and the stuff to do it myself. Also fortunately the needles are tiny — not over an inch long like I told Debbie at work (because that’s how big the suckers at the doctor’s office are) but 5/8″.  I’m not so scared of them any more! And definitely feeling more empowered — and richer. The insurance company was making me make a $20 co-pay each time I went for an injection, and the bottle of B12 I got has 30 doses in it for $16.

The good news, the best news, is that despite all of this the baby seems to be wonderfully healthy. I can tell she’s getting really big and quite strong. She moves enough that it’s visible now, and several people have felt her moving as well. I have a doctor’s appointmet Tuesday and am looking forward to hearing her again.

Posted on September 6th, 2009 by monica
Filed under: Pregnancy | No Comments »

I was really surprised to find that my expectations were super low when I found out I was pregnant. I was almost positive that something would go wrong. It’s a terrible thing to think, and I hated living like that. Having a loss totally destroys the innocence of a pregnancy. With my other three — sure, I was paranoid about something going wrong, but I never really thought it would. With this one I expected something to go foul. Every cramp sent me into a panic, and when I was suffering from what was probably a corpus luteum cyst I was terrified that the baby was ectopic.

The first trimester was extra awful for this reason. I guess the lack of morning sickness was nature’s way of trying to give me a break since I was so bugged about the what ifs.

After trying to get pregnant for so long and the years of failure I seriously never thought I would be able to have another baby. I thought that it just wasn’t in the cards for us.

However, after the first trimester mercifully ended, I started to feel way more confident. As the baby moved and I was able to feel her, I felt even better about the pregnancy. And once I unexpectedly saw her for the first time at 15 weeks I was floored with excitement, all of the excitement I didn’t allow myself to feel, and I felt the tide begin to turn towards positivity and hope, instead of bleak darkness and certain tragedy.

And of course, once I found out she was a she, well, there is no going back to that pit of despair. And I am so freaking glad. My expectations are sky high and while I do have those normal fears that I think every pregnant woman experiences I’m happy to report that I think this will turn out ok.

Posted on August 22nd, 2009 by monica
Filed under: Pregnancy | 2 Comments »

Well, I’ve outgrown the weekly fruit/vegetables. From now on, I only get one fruit per month! As I am now officialy 5 months, we have the papaya stage.

Things are going well. School started back up this week and it’s honestly played hell with my sleep, but I’m hoping to adjust soon and get back on the school schedule before long. This year was great … no huge adjusment issues with any of the kids (besides getting back in the swing of things). I’m seriously starting to think about Christmas. I have no idea when I’m going to do all this shopping. And I haven’t bought hardly anything for the baby and her room is still a huge mess. I’m glad I have 4 months left but really, that’s going to go super fast — it’s been 4 months since I found out I was pregnant and look at how quickly that blew by!

Right now all I can think about is food and eating.  I’m really tired right now so I’m going to make some dinner and relax the rest of the night while watching a preseason football game.

Posted on August 21st, 2009 by monica
Filed under: Pregnancy | 1 Comment »

I assume that the baby is a “banana” for its length … hopefully she’s not quite that skinny!

Things are going pretty good with a couple of exceptions — unfortunately I’m starting to suffer yet again from the extreme crippling fatigue that plaged the beginning of my pregnancy and ultimately was a factor in my early-July hospitalization. I was prescribed weekly B12 injections for four weeks (as I was deemed B12 deficient) and my last one was July 24th. I don’t know what is going on but I did notice a huge improvement with the shots and I guess I’m going to have to contact my doctor on Monday. I’m also having siginificant GI distress and I really hope that it isn’t related.

Today I’ve been really lightheaded. It’s weird. I haven’t been close to passing out yet but I’ve had several dizzy spells.

In other news, the baby girl is great. I have had to practice saying “she” and “her” as opposed to “it.”

My co-workers are giving me a shower. I wasn’t expecting one and am SO EXCITED. I went to Target (with Dagan tagging along and scanning items for me) and registered. It was so much fun. I have only bought two items so far (spring/summer things that were really on sale) and I can’t wait to buy more.

Posted on August 15th, 2009 by monica
Filed under: Pregnancy | 1 Comment »

… our daughter!

Just a quick update … the most exciting thing is that the baby looks great and is healthy. The next most exciting thing is that it’s a girl! I am so stoked.

My doctor appointment afterwards was very boring and routine, which is great. I am so happy and blessed to have an uncomplicated pregnancy. Heart issues aside (and under control right now), everything is great. I am now at -2 overall for weight gain, which is so weird considering how much I’ve eaten this last month. The doctor says that everything is perfect and as she’s growing and healthy I am doing great.

She was transverse with her legs to the right and her head to the left. She was super cooperative and playful and just cute as hell.

Unfortunately I think I am getting a sinus infection so I will probably have to visit the regular doctor tomorrow. My head hurts so bad and feels so sick.  But that didn’t stop me from loving my sonogram and my girl!

Posted on August 10th, 2009 by monica
Filed under: Pregnancy | 4 Comments »

Holy crap, I’m 20 weeks already. I can’t believe it. I do admit the first trimester was a huge drag, what with all the worry and feeling crappy, but the second trimester is cruising by. I thought this last 4 weeks would take forever but it seems like I just made the sonogram appointment. Now it’s just a few days away. Even though I’m wild with anticipation the days are moving along at a fast clip just like all of the other ones. I am having a lot of trouble thinking of anything but Monday.

I am eating like a hog lately. As of my 16-week checkup I was still sitting at zero pounds gained, but I have a feeling on Monday that will no longer be true. If it is I will be surprised. I hate to fess up but I have twice eaten a whole pizza (frozen) and the other night I ate 4 (FOUR!) jalapeno and cheese bratwursts.  I felt fine for a few hours after those but boy I sure did regret it as the night wore on. I was burping like crazy and had a horrible stomach ache all night long. I am not interested in eating any more of those, that’s for sure. Bleah. I spend many waking moments thinking, “What can I eat?” I do like being able to eat at this point so at least it’s a lot of fun.

I will take some pics later.

Posted on August 7th, 2009 by monica
Filed under: Pregnancy | 1 Comment »